


The Gap Year

by AAres13



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: AU after Chapter 61, M/M, Similar to thoughts in Carry On, Slight Suicide Ideation, Wayward Son AU, truly gratuitous conversations about vampire ethics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22974526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AAres13/pseuds/AAres13
Summary: In the aftermath of every tragic thing that has happened to Simon Snow in the last year, Baz doesn't think Simon needs a sad pining vampire around to make his life more complicated. When his Aunt Fiona hears a rumor that vampires have infested Las Vegas, Baz jumps at the chance to leave the country and takes a gap year from university. Baz does find vampires, but he also finds a new ally, an old mistake, a host of new mistakes, and that maybe Simon Snow never wanted him gone at all.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Lamb, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

Should I have stayed in England with Penny and Simon? I don't know honestly. But when Simon’s world fell apart I felt like staying with him, being yet another change in his life, would make his life more difficult. So when Fiona heard a rumor that there was a large concentration of vampires in Las Vegas and the coven hadn’t approved anything yet, but wouldn’t it be nice to know if the rumor was true or not, I volunteered right away. Some of Fiona’s contacts had said that the vampires in America were becoming restless and were starting to infringe on the mage population. It had sounded like the break I needed. It would turn out to be nothing and then I would be an ocean away from Simon Snow’s blue eyes looking at me like I had upended his world. I never really wanted to hurt him and I was afraid that if I stayed I would do just that. Hurt him more and worse than he had already been hurt by everything that had already happen to him.

Before I left we exchanged phone numbers. Penelope Bunce and Simon saw me off at Fiona’s apartment before Fiona took me to the airport. Penny had grabbed my phone and entered in her and Simon’s contacts while I tried not to be obvious that I was filling up on Simon Snow before I left. Simon had not started dating anyone new, not yet, but some girl would catch his eye and this one would love him as more than just a friend. At least I didn't have to be here to see that. I didn't need a Wellbelove 2.0 mooning fest and to see their perfect happy romance. I could be happy for him from an ocean away and he would be happier with me far from him.

He was staring back at me just as hard, running his hand through his golden curls, which he had not sheered off this summer much to my relief, before reaching a hand out to me. “Take care of yourself, mate.” He said, ’mate’ and honestly the acknowledgment that we were now friends warmed me more than it ever should have.

“Will do.” I nodded back to him. I didn't tell him to take of himself. I should have, but I am not sure where the lines are anymore with us and right before I take a transatlantic flight isn't probably the time to figure out how to deal with the love of my life. We are not star-crossed anymore, though we will always be crossed. He used to be the bright center of my universe; it would frankly be a lie to say that has really changed. He thinks that people care for him less now that his magic is gone. But anyone who loves Simon Snow less after he gave up the thing that mattered most to him never deserved to stand in his light in the first place.

“I wish that I was going with you. I wish that I could help. I think I would be better fighting vampires than going to university.” Simon said.

“You wanted to live a life after you won the war, Snow.” I say to him. “You don't have to pick any more battles.” I don't mention that he does not have magic. He already knows that. He knows his lack of magic better than anyone.

He mumbled something I could not hear about battles and then Bunce had finished entering her number into my phone and dragged me into a hug. Penelope Bunce isn't big on hugs I don't think, but she is good at them. I find it so much more comforting than I want it to be. Not for the first time I imagine what it would have been like to have this be my life when I was at Watford. To have Simon and Penny for friends instead of play acting at hatred. 

“Tell me about all the spells you learn when you are in America, Basil. I will make you write a report on them since you are skipping university for a whole year.” She says with sideways glance. I know that I am leaving her alone with Simon, but I can’t fix things for him. I am not certain me staying would help. He has always loved Penelope most, he will find his way back soon enough. The distance in his eyes will be reduced and he will be home again. Someday soon he will be close to what he once was, maybe not the sun, but maybe a star: a light for the world, but less intense.

“He said we were stars.” He said my mother told him that when she visited him. Simon has always been more of a star than I ever was. He will be that again one day.

“Yes, Bunce. I will be receiving a cultural experience instead. Though it is American culture so I don't know how much that will be worth.” Simon rolled his eyes at me.

“When I was in Chicago I did get a good exposure to some of it. America has a lot of soft power so their spells have the potential to be more wide spread than ours. It would be interesting to study that, but American mages are so spread out and divided I am certain no one has made note of it.” Bunce says. I smile, some things will never change.

“Yeah, I know you guys have gone to new exciting places.” Simon said a little harshly and Penny and I freeze. It’s hard to know what will set Simon off some days. “Just don't get too comfortable, yeah?”

“No worries about that, Snow. I promise America won't seduce me.” I say. Aunt Fiona called me then and not so kindly told me to get in the fucking car already.

Then Fiona and I went to the airport (she drove me and actually let me sit in the front albeit after pretending she was going to keep her “front seat is for people that haven’t been kidnapped by numpties rule.” and she gave me the usual rundown before I went through security. Don't get kidnapped again, don't alert the normals to what I was doing, really don't alert the mages in America to what I was doing, and most of all absolutely fucking don't let the vampires know what I am doing.

We sent my things ahead of me by post a week ago and I can use our bank accounts to keep myself a float with everything else that I need while I am there. There are benefits to be one of a couple heirs to an ancient fortune.

Flying across the Atlantic Ocean and the United States of America on an empty stomach was a large concern for me, but I would have a connection in Newark, New Jersey, where hopefully I would be able to scrounge up some rats. I hear New York City is full of rats and I assume that rats can swim across the river and inhabit New Jersey as well.

While I am flying over the Atlantic I think about pulling up movies to pass the time, but the beating hearts of my fellow passengers (I am sitting in first class, of course, because anywhere else would be murder on my legs, there are downsides to be taller than Simon Snow) boom in my ears. I put in my ear plugs and go to sleep with the usual thing that always that I always fall asleep to: Simon Snow. He is different than he used to be though he is no less beautiful, no less special. Just different, hurt, who could not be hurt after everything that happened? After he was betrayed the way he was. It must be a shock to the system that in the end I am one of the very few people that he trusts.

————————

I do make my connection and find several dozen rats in the Newark airport so I am still mostly full up after landing in Las Vegas, where I immediately run into trouble that I didn't think to account for.

Fiona had selected a house that I would stay in and I picked up one of the cabs from the airport to my new house. This would be my first experience of living on my own away from my family and anyone to take care of me. I hoped that it was run down and filled with rats so I would not have to prowl the night looking for rats. I am sure that America was swarming in rats and I should have no issue maintaining my diet, but if this place was really a vampire haven then maybe all of the rats had already been sucked dry by the vampires who weren’t quite fast enough to catch the tourists.

The plan was for me to stay in a rented house while I was in Las Vegas, but as it turns out the house that I was going to stay in was converted to AirBNB. I dropped in on a vacationing couple from “Green Bay, Wisconsin” who were rather shocked to see a teenage vampire on their temporary doorstep. I get my money back and try not to be feel so inconvenienced on my first day in fucking America.

I pull out my phone (which I have had an international SIM card placed on so I don't have to worry about the international rates) and check for any highly rated restaurants while I figure out what the fuck to do. I need to eat real food that isn't airline food, which unless you are Simon Snow is utterly unpalatable, and my actual luggage is still in storage. I find one that looks passable and catch get an Uber to take me there. 

When I get there I think about how under dressed I am. I am wearing jeans and a simple forest green button down shirt rolled up to my elbows because while I might be cold as death I do get a little warm in the desert. I do have on my glasses on at least which are expensive enough that I might look like I blend in. I am dressed to be stuck in an airplane, first class is still on a metal tube in the sky with limited movement and you do have to get through security. I had thought about changing in the house, but that isn't an option anymore. I have my carry on with me so I could duck into the restroom and freshen up a bit. I do go into the men’s restroom after I give the hostess my name. I don't like even eating in public so this is going to be an exercise in exhaustion and I hope that I am facing the wall, but hopefully they will sit my sadly single self somewhere isolated so I can eat something. Then I am really going to need to go on a hunt because I am feel extremely peckish at this point. I will believe it when I see it. This place is so bright that I don't understand why any vampires would want to live here. I guess it is a city with a very thriving night life and maybe one of those things that stays in Las Vegas is that everyone wants to eat you… or that everyone has been eaten already.

Or maybe it is just that it is warm enough here for a vampire to feel alive for once.

While I am washing my face another man walks in. This would not be especially notable as this a public restroom after all, but this man is dressed in a full suit in the middle of the day and there is something predator like about him and that immediately makes me tense. He moves almost like a cat: light on his feet and with a grace that is foreign to humans. He isn't gray though he isn't tan either. He is still pale, but a human looking pale not deathly pale. He does not look like any of the vampires I have met or seen at home. Though I didn't examine those vampires under the best of circumstances and under normal lighting. I can see in the dark of course, but that does not mean that I can pick up every hue. I also had Simon Snow with me and it’s hard to focus on anything but him when he is in the room. All of the vampires that I saw in England were as gray as I am and this man looks like he belongs in the desert. This is the weirdest thing about vampires living in Las Vegas to me. I don't associate the desert with the dark and the dead.

What this man is though is incredibly attractive. He has brown hair that flops into his eyes. He looks like a 1990’s teen idol with his hair cut or a cast member from Downton Abbey. His hair may be unfashionable, but the cut of his suit is very flattering. His eyes are not like Simon’s eyes, which are just blue, the purest blue, but his are a paler blue. Simon’s eyes are the very essence of blue and so no other word I have describes them. He has at least ten years on me, but those are a good ten years. He also clearly has money. He runs his eyes over me in the mirror and I will say that I am certainly flattered. I don't get hit all that often by my own gender, which is truly a shame. Maybe that would have helped me get over Simon. I am not standing next to him, but I can tell that he is about Simon’s height because my eyes fall naturally to Simon’s height. A ten thousand miles away and Simon Snow will always be the only thing that I can think about even when faced with an absolutely gorgeous man who probably does not think that I am a monster.

I think back to the night Simon Snow saved my life. He is always saving my life, he has always done so, but that night in the woods when I wanted to kill myself, he stopped me. He told me to life to spite everyone, to spite him and the Mage. He looked at me with his blue eyes that were reflecting the flames that surrounded us and said that he thought I was stronger than this. That he could not live without me beside him. I know that he didn't mean romantically. I have reminded myself of that over and over again, but that does not mean that I don't still think about it all the time.

With the emphasis on continuing the blood lines of mages not many kids felt comfortable being openly anything but heterosexual at Watford. Keris and Bunce’s roommate Trixie were the only members of our year that were out of the closet. Even though I am now friends, for whatever that means with Bunce and Simon, they still don't know that I am gay. I don't know how to tell them. I almost told Simon when I told him that I didn't want to date Agatha and only flirted with her to mess with him, but I was not comfortable going that last step. I am never probably going to be ready for Simon Snow to see everything that is in my heart. I am still afraid that if he knew that I was gay he would figure out that I have always been in love with him.

Simon Snow isn't stupid, despite all that I have told him. He watches me more consistently than anyone. He put the pieces together about me being a vampire after all and I don't want to alienate him being me being gay after he accepted me for that. In this world where he can’t come home to anything, I want to be a pillar of stability in his life. Of course, maybe I should not have fled half way across the world, but no one ever said I make sense.

I feel like I’m a thousand miles away with Snow when I start to pack my things and try not to look like I am watching the man back, but I don't know how obvious I am. I school my face to be like my father’s, like nothing this man will or can do will touch me. I have maintained a mask for so many years of my life that it is second nature.

I turn to leave deciding that I am probably reading his intentions wrong and even if I am not, picking up a strange man in the men’s restroom isn't exactly how I want to start my romantic life.

“Wait,” His lilting voice says. It is a nice voice, a baritone. I turn back to look at him.

“Yes,” I say in my most posh sounding drawl. I don't make it a question.

“You forgot your brush.” He hands the brush that I left on the counter to me. He is holding it out in front of him almost like a sword.

“Oh, thank you.” I say, taking the brush and stowing it in my carry on.

“Cleaning up before a date?” Well, isn’t he chatty? I decide to indulge him because I will never say no when an attractive man is trying to chat me up.

“No, making myself fit for the public after being on a plane.” I’m not nearly as put together as I would normally be so I hope that explains why I’m not wearing a suit.

“Ah, I thought I had detected an accent.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes. He hasn't proven him to be that intelligent yet. Maybe all he is pretty then.

“A clever deduction there. You are a regular Sherlock Holmes.” I say and turn back to the door.

“Where are you from? London, is my guess.” The maybe vampire asks. He is American so is he guessing London because he is an American and that is the only place in Europe that he knows?

“I am from Hampshire. That is close to London.” I say still politely.

“Ah, yes, I spent some time in South Hampton, but that was a very long time ago.” I look at him. Does he mean that very long time ago to be as significant as I think he means it to be or is he just referencing a trip in school?

Before I can ask him, he moves on to the next topic.

“What brings you to Las Vegas?” He flashes me a brief smile and maybe it is because I am still on edge from his comment about it being a very long time, but I swear that I almost see a flash of fangs.

I take a chance, “I heard the nightlife was to die for and I wanted to take a break before I go to university next year.” I hope I was not laying the joke on too thick.

He does smile at that and it is a beautiful smile, I will admit to myself I am swooning a bit at the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles. He isn't the sun like Simon Snow is, but he is something that I want to stare at and staring at someone who isn't the sun sounds a lot better for my health. Maybe he could be the moon. Living with the sun isn't a sustainable life choice, but maybe living with the moon would be a better option.

“I certainly hope that my city will be able to provide a good enough diversion for you…” He reaches out a hand to me. He wants me to shake his hand and introduce himself. I wasn’t prepared to be interrogated as soon as I reached Vegas.

I ignore his obvious invitation. “Your city, do you own the place?” I ask instead. I want to figure out more about him first.

“I like to think all of us own a little bit of Las Vegas or maybe it owns a little bit of us instead.” He pauses and then he is done waiting, “My name is Lamb.” That doesn’t sound like a real name, but it isn’t like I am going to give him my full real name either.

“My name is Baz.” I thought about using a fake name, but considering I am probably going to need to use a very real credit card many times, and I don’t want to commit magical fraud, I decided it would be better to go by a name as close to my real one as possible. So my cards say Baz Grimm. Baz can be short for Barry and Grimm is, as Fiona loves pointing out, not nearly as well known as Pitch. Who knows how much vampires would know about the Pitches anyway.

“Nice to meet you, Baz. It is always good to meet someone from the old country.” Lamb says shaking the hand that I have finally given to him. His hand is the same temperature as mine. Which is quite the confirmation that he is a vampire as I am dead and living people should not have the temperature of dead people.

“Old country?” I ask. I thought he was American. An English Vampire in Las Vegas.

“Surely, you could tell or do I seem so American now?” Lamb pouts, which the answer is that he sounds American to me, but I assume that he wants me to pretend that we have some kinship besides him most likely being a vampire and me most certainly being one.

“You did say that Vegas owns a little of you.” I say as charmingly as I can. He gives me a genuine smile so it must have worked.

“So how long are you going to be here?” Lamb asks me leaning into the counter. His hair slides into his face again, so he tucks it behind his ear. He has a practiced grace of someone who is used to acting like he does not care when he very much does.

“For a while, it depends on how interesting and entertaining I find the locals.” I am certainly flirting with him now, but I also don't want to give him any expectations for how long I am going to stay in Vegas. I don't want to give him any information that he could use against me in the future. Besides after Simon, I’m not sure I know how to flirt with someone without a little edge.

“Well, I certainly hope that we can live up to your expectations. If you are not eating with anyone would you like to join me? I came with a group of colleagues, but I would love to stay for your company.” His eyes sweep down my frame. I take a second to think about Fiona would be rolling her eyes at me right now.

I am torn. I do want to spend more time with him to confirm if he is a vampire if nothing else. Even if there are no vampires in Las Vegas it will be a very lonely endeavor to try to find them without someone to talk to. However, I still have’t eaten in front of any one that isn't Simon Snow. Even if he isn't a vampire then he is going to notice that I am one. I also don't know how to act around vampires. I have never had a conversation with a vampire that lasted more than five minutes and was not full of threat and future violence.

He seems to see my hesitation, “Or we could get something to go if you are not sure. Are you staying somewhere around here? 

“Normally I would be more cautious about telling handsome strangers where I am staying, but I could use some help. I had a house that I was renting, but the owner turned it into a short term rental. So if you have any suggestions I would be willing to take them. You are a local after all.” I say to him.

“You should have led with that, I know the perfect place for you. There is a fantastic hotel on the Strip. I could help you get a room there. We have a party there every night so we would be able to satisfy the requirements for excitement that you are looking for. We can get some food and take it back there. Do you have all of your things?” He is looking around the bathroom like the rest of my luggage will magically appear. Though if he is a vampire I don’t imagine he is that fond of mages.

“I had most of my things sent to a storage unit thankfully. This has been a bit of a nightmare so I will take whatever help you can give even if I am not sure that I should trust you. After all, you live in a hotel.” I say with a wink and a smile. God, I never wink, I am very bad at this flirting thing. I have never intentionally flirted with anyone in my life. With Simon I just acted as cruel as possible and hoped that he didn't pick up on the fact that I loved him. That was a lot easier than trying to make someone like me.

“You will understand after you see the Katherine and w introduced ourselves we aren’t strangers anymore. Let’s go get you something to eat.” He pulls me out by hand and we talk to the hostess who seems to know and love him and we get my food to go. He recommends what I get and then pays for it because he would not let me pay for something that I might not enjoy, but also that he was sure that I would love it anyway just trust him.

He tells his friends, who I don't get a good look at, that they should go ahead he will speak with them later. He seems a little commanding when he says it and I once again hope that I am not paling around with a serial killer. However, it is unlikely that he will actually be able to get the drop on me. If he is a regular serial killer with no magic to speak of he will have a hard time being able to kill a vampire let alone a mage vampire. I could kill him in ten different ways in ten seconds if I had cause to do so. If he is a vampire then I am still a mage and I am a fire mage at that. Even if I don't have my wand as long as there is magic and I am not in a dead spot, which I don't believe they would have in America, I can make fire and he isn't going to have a easy time beating that. He won't have the advantage of being a vampire on me because I am one as well. Vampire versus mage one on one is a difficult fight. If the mage is quick and has warning of what is going on the vampire will be ash, but if the mage isn't aware and the vampire is on the hunt then a mage could be in real danger. It is part of the reason that vampires and mages hate each other so much. Both believe that they should be on top and it is a very near thing when they come head to head.

I really should not go to a secondary location with a possible vampire, but as I am a vampire myself I know that I will be fine. This probably isn't a trap. Probably. We take his car back to the Las Vegas Strip (a Prius which is a much more sensible car than I would guess for his suit) and I almost wish I had come at night so I could see the Las Vegas Strip lit up. As it is the street is filled with cars and tourists and we pull into the underground garage of a hotel. Lamb has a spot reserved for him which I think is a bit odd, but I have no clue how American car parks work. He does see him looking at me. “I am a permanent resident of the hotel.” He says.

“That is a little weird isn’t it.” I say with a raised eyebrow.

“I like to be at the center of the action and the Katherine is the center of Las Vegas. I think it will be the perfect place for you.” He says and takes me up to the lobby. The hotel certainly looks like what a vampire hotel would look like with its black upon black atheistic. The lobby is also filled with birds in cages for some reason.

I call and have my luggage sent to the hotel, Lamb says that he will pay for it. I check in at the desk and go up to the room. It is beautiful though this is going to cost an arm and a leg so I will need to figure out a permeant lodging situation soon and also get to vampire neutral living conditions. Well, not vampire neutral: one vampire will by necessity always be there. That is my lot in life.

When I am going up the elevator I do get a surprise. I check my phone and Simon Snow has been texting me. It should be midnight in London. Simon was never really for staying up late, he tended to be an early riser as long as food was involved.

**how r u?**  
**did you get there?**  
**see any vamps yet?**

His grammar is appalling of course, but that isn't a shock. Simon Snow has never had a commanding grasp of the English language. The shock is that he has texted me in the first place. I respond to him before he assaults my phone further.

_I am in Las Vegas now. There was an issue with the house. I am now staying at a hotel. I have seen one potential vampire. And I might be staying in a vampire hotel. I am not certain._

I barely get the message typed out and sent before texts coming flying back to me across the ocean:

**WHAT DO U MEAN U ARE IN VAMP HOTEL?! BAZ**  
**BAZ R U OKAY?**

I type back out:

_Relax Chosen One. I met a guy at a restaurant who noticed I was from out of town. He stayed he knew a good place to stay because I am out of the house. He moved… differently, but I can handle a vampire._

He types back:

**Baz BAZ thats a serial killer he is gonna put you on ice and get your organs and sell them**

I hope he has calmed down some the caps lock has at least mostly gone away.

_He is going to have a hell of a time getting my organs won’t he? I am a super vampire remember? I am so powerful that the coven would be scared to death of me if they knew what I really was._

**he is probably a vamp to. Plz be safe. Plz don't let hm take your organs**

_If he takes my organs then at least you won't have to deal with me anymore. Cry at my funeral will you?_

**Plz dont joke like that. Baz. Don't.**

Simon has been through too many things this year to appreciate the joke.

_I swear that I will be all right. Please stop worrying._

I am about to type more when a knock comes from the door. I put my phone back in my pocket and cautiously walk over to the door. I look through the peep hole and see “Lamb” — that cannot possibly be his real name — standing there.

I open the door and there he is in all of very attractive glory. “The city does not really start to show all of its splendor until later at night, but let me get you started with a tour of the city or at least the hotel? While we are waiting for your things to arrive.”

“I think that I am horribly under dressed for the hotel or to even be standing next to you.” I say.

“Well, we can certainly change that. My treat.” Lamb says holding his arm for me to take. I am taller so it is a little awkward, but he manages to make it look flawless. I wonder if this is what everyone else sees when they look at me. Someone composed and put together. I know that it used to drive Simon crazy and I don't like being on the receiving end of things.

He takes me to a very fancy men’s boutique and I pick out a suit. The suit I choose isn't the most expensive item in the shop, but certainly not the cheapest either. It is far more unstated than I would normally choose if I was choosing for myself, but at the moment I don't want to stick out. It’s a Tom Ford white and black blazer with the black looking painted on in splotches with a surprisingly soft black turtle neck and rather tight dress slacks. I know I have the legs to pull it off, thank you football and the club (and judging from the looks Lamb has been giving me). I was wearing brown shoes for the plane so I purchase a pair of black velvet dress shoes.

We go back to the hotel and I change into my new clothes. My luggage has arrived and I stash the boxes under the bed and in the closet. I don't want to get too comfortable. I slide my wand up my sleeve and make sure that it won’t fall out. Lamb comes and collects me and takes me to the top of the hotel to the penthouse suite.

“So,” Lamb says after taking me to a suite that turns out to his room, “what are you really doing here, Baz? We are alone you can cut the act. What brings a vampire from England all the way to Las Vegas? What have you heard?” No need to pretend then.

“I told you I am on holiday before I start university.” His friendly demeanor has dropped a bit and now I do feel my isolation. My wand is stuck up my sleeve still so I should be okay, but this is vampire who has already suggested that he is much older than I am and probably much more experienced at killing people.

“We don't get many people from England, I have heard about the raids and fires. We are quite cautious you have to understand and I want to know what your objectives are.” Lamb says. He is all business now.

“You are the one that approached me, Lamb. I don't have any objectives. I came because I heard through the grapevine that there are vampires here. I didn't even know if I was right or not. I just couldn’t stay home. You say that you have heard what it is like? It hasn't gotten any better.” I say. I hope that I don't get found out as a mage spy within twelve hours of being in Las Vegas.

“You are right about that. Las Vegas is filled with vampires and I don't want anything to happen to those vampires. So, you are going to tell me again if you have any intentions of ruining the peace here.” He has pulled out a lighter from his pocket and lit it next to me. He is very openly threatening me, but never once in my life have I ever truly been afraid of fire. I was born around fire and in fire.

Somewhere across the ocean, Simon Snow is yelling at me to stop being an idiot and just come home. And I want to listen to him. I don't want to stay here, I want to be home with him, but he would never want a home with me so I will stay here where I have a purpose.

“Lamb, I am serious, I want to know what it is like here. I am one person what the hell could I even do to impact your city?” Lamb looks up into my eyes and seems to be running through some calculations in his head.

“Stick with me tonight. I want to see what you do. If what you are saying is true you are welcome here, but we have worked too long and too hard to make Las Vegas a haven for that to be destroyed.” He shakes his head and his hair falls into his eyes again. He is unfairly attractive for a man that threatened me. I think being attracted to Simon Snow so long has really thrown off my ability to not be lured in by danger.

“What do you want me to do to prove myself to you?” I ask. I really hope the answer isn't killing a human being because that is a line I won't cross. I will never drink human blood. I swore that oath to myself a long time ago and I would rather die first.

“Actions speak louder than words. Come to the party with me tonight and I will get a better gauge of the sort of man that you are.” Lamb says. “For now, I am going to tell you the history of this city and why it matters so much.”

———————

Lamb and I kill a couple of hours chatting, though it is mostly him talking. What he is saying is fascinating, but I do get the feeling that he likes to hear himself talk. However, his infectious joy at Las Vegas’s existence is contagious.

He says that every night there is a party in the penthouse suite and tonight I am going with him as his guest. He will introduce me to all of the most important vampires of Las Vegas, but we won't go until the party has already started. “I don't need to be the first to arrive, Baz, haven’t you heard of being fashionable late?”

At nine, when the sun has finally set we take the elevator up the one floor and Lamb knocks on the door. The women standing there opens it with a smile though she frowns slightly at me. They truly don't like newcomers here.

The party is filled with people that are probably all vampires, but are certainly all rich. Nearly all of them look like they have walked off the runway at a fashion show. Not all of them are beautiful, but wealth is enough to hide many flaws. I don't know what I would look like without being a vampire myself. I know that my skin would be more like my aunt and mother’s golden red. I do sometimes wonder how my family justified my entire skin tone changing color, but they kept me sheltered and close to the family for almost a year hoping that no one would be able to reconcile the differences into my being a vampire. It was easy to excuse my absence as my father and aunt were both in a period of mourning, though my aunt often chose to express herself by acting out at coven meetings. Maybe the take over of the coven and the world of mages by the Mage would not have been so easy if two of its strongest members were not spiraling in their own way. If they had not had to expend so much energy making sure that no one would find out my dirty little secret.

Lamb has his hand on the small of my back. I don't know if it is to keep on eye on me or if it is something else. At this point, I should probably not hope for anything else. He directs over to a group of women, all immaculately dressed “Hello ladies, how are we doing this evening?”

“Life is a pleasure as always, Lamb.” A tall women with warm brown skin says with a very wicked smile. Her lips are stained the color of blood to match her dress, an asymmetrical red dress which leaves one shoulder and arm bared and the other a full sleeve, the pattern is like waves and it has a slit running up to her upper thigh which exposes her toned legs and shiny gold heels. She is on the beautiful as well as rich side of things.

“Baz, this is Valerie, Val, this is Baz Grimm from England.” He gestures towards me with the hand that isn't on my back, which I feel burning through my shirt, strange considering he doesn’t produce any more body heat than I do.

“Grimm…” My heart almost stops for a minute, Crowley, please don't tell me that they know all of the Mage names in another country. “Like the fairy tales?” She asks.

I smile back at her, “Not as far as I know, but you certainly look like you walked out of one.” I hope she is distracted by the flattery and does not notice my panic.

“Well, aren’t you a charmer? I like him, Lamb, do you want to share?” She says flashing her pearly whites again.

“I don't think so tonight, Val.” Lamb slides the hand at my back around my waist and draws me closer to him.

“Pity then. Well, Baz, what is it like in the United Kingdom then we have heard such awful things.” She says her face taking on a hint of sympathy.

“That is a little much for a party, I think.” Lamb says before I have a chance to answer. Normally I would be annoyed, but I don't know how I will stand up in close examination. I know, of course, what has happened to the vampires in England, but I know it from the mage side of things.

“True, enough, Baz, meet Jessica, Catherine, and Yui.” She gestures to the three women around her all dressed beautifully. Yui, an Asian woman with long black hair and red lips a shade lighter than Val’s and is also wearing an asymmetrical dress though hers is blue and blows from midnight blue to sapphire adored with flowers across the neckline to her shoulder, holds out her hand for me to take, which I do. 

“Pleasure to meet you.” I say to her by way of greeting.

And so it continues Lamb introduces me to everyone in attendance and then we get drinks from the bar. I still don't know what he wants from and what test it is that I need to pass. Have I already failed it? Has something given me up as a mage? Surely if he knew, they would have already set up on me. I would be at a extreme disadvantage and my only real chance of taking them out would to take myself out right along with them. Nothing is better at killing vampires than fire, but there are so many vampires. Everyone here is a vampire… but now I notice that there are so humans wandering through the party. Lamb watches me realize they are there.

One woman is bleeding from her neck and laughing as she goes dragged along by two other vampires. I should stop them. I should stop everything right now, but if I do my cover will be blown and I will die. A person is going to die, is being hurt, and there isn't a thing I can do to stop it if I want to get out of here alive.

“Do you want a drink?” Lamb says.

“I already have one.” I say in response though both he and I know what he is really asking. He frowns and I know this is a test that I have failed. I suspected the test would be hurting a human, but I don't care. He can expel me from the city if he wants. I won't harm a human, not ever, not if I can help it. And if I can’t help it then it is going to be the last thing I do.

He doesn’t kick me out. He doesn’t expose me for the mage that I am. We continue chatting with various party goers about various fun time vampire party things and I pretend not to notice the humans bleeding around me.

Eventually, Lamb has had enough socializing, though I do believe we’ve talked to everyone present. We ride the elevator down to the bottom floor and he takes me into the city for what purpose I don't know, but I don't think I am going to like it.

“I am not trying to scare you, Baz. I think you could belong here if you wanted to. I think you could belong anywhere if you wanted to, but I would love to have you here. Lately things have been… complicated.” Lamb says with a hand still on me. I think he is trying to let me know that he is in control. Mostly it is distracting. To give myself something else to do besides answering him, I reach into my pocket and check my phone. I have five more messages from Simon.

**Baz!**  
**Baz, r k?**  
**let me know if u r in trouble**  
**i swear i will fly there n get u**  
**Baz plz answer**

His phone has a full keyboard, he could type out the full sentences. I think he writes like that to piss me off.

 _Simon, I am fine. Go to bed. I will take to you later._ I type back to him and stow my phone in my pocket again.

“It is rude to check your phone when someone is talking to you.” Lamb says and there is a tone of threat in his voice, but it is gentle still.

“One of my friends back home made me promise I would check in with him. It is rude to comment on someone worrying about my safety.” I retort.

“Do you have a reason to be worried?” He asks.

“I don't know, you tell me? I still have not done anything to prove that I am not trustworthy.” I at least hope that I haven’t.

“Come with me.” He doesn’t answer my question.

He walks me down the Strip and starts telling me stories about all the places around. For now, he is back to his charming self. He moves his hand from my back to my hand to make sure that I know that I can’t get away.

Eventually, he pulls a man close to him, a normal off the street, and looks into his eyes and asks him to come with us. The man complies though I don't understand why. Lamb drags both of us into an alleyway. He bites the man’s neck and I let him. The man is bleeding out in front of me and I should kill us both.

“Do you want a taste?” Lamb asks casually as if he is not a monster.

“No.” Lamb drops the man and the lighter is back out again and he has shoved me into the wall.

“Why, the hell have you broken the treaty, Next Blood? You don't come into our city, you know the rules!” Lamb growls.

“Next what? Lamb, what rules?” I say. I am honestly confused. I don’t think Next Blood is a name for a mage.

“Stop it! Why are you here, we have told your kind that they are not allowed.” Lamb says, the lighter still in my face.

“I honestly have no clue what you are talking about? Why do you think I am this Next Blood?” I ask him. I glance at the man behind him. He is dazed with that far away look in his eyes, but still alive from the looks of it. Maybe one of us can still get out of this alleyway alive.

“Fine, you need me to explain your own doctrine to you? You don't drink any blood, but the blood that you have filtered because you lot think that will make it stronger. You have no respect for our ways.” That sounds strange.

“This is because I didn't want to drink from this man? Lamb… I… I don't drink from humans.” I say to him. I have nothing to lose with the confession.

“I… what?” He looks perplexed. 

“I don't eat humans. I just… listen is there a pet store near by or something I could show you.” I could just summon a rat, but I have a feeling mage vampire would go down worse than this cult of new wave vampires.

“That is disgusting.” Lamb says.

“Wait, you are a cannibal and you are calling me drinking the blood of animals disgusting?” I ask Lamb.

“We are not cannibals. We are not humans.” Lamb says to me.

“We used to be, our families are, the people we grew up with.” I say.

“My family is long dead, Baz. We are not human, we are something much, much better.” And I say something I am truly going to regret.

“My family is still alive.” Lamb looks shocked.

“When you said you were going to university, did you mean for the first time?” Lamb asks and I nod. “How old are you?”

“I am nineteen.” His jaw which still hasn't fully recovered from the last shock falls again.

“Nineteen. Really nineteen?” He asks.

“Yes.” I say to him.

“Holy fucking shit.” Lamb says.

————————

“How do the police not notice that people wake up bewildered and confused and missing blood?” I ask Lamb as we walk back to the hotel. We left the man bloody in the alley way to wake up from whatever stupor Lamb put him under.

“Well, people come to Las Vegas to become confused and lose themselves in the first place. Also, at least half of the force is ours to begin with. We own most of the crime scene investigation unit as well. Believe me we find the CSI shows set here hilarious.” Lamb says.

“CSI? What in Cr- god’s name is that?” I ask. There is no way that Lamb would know mage swears, but at the same time I should practice swearing like a normal.

“How have you managed to avoid all the iterations of American crime shows in America? You clearly have not watched any tv during the day here.” Lamb says.

“I usually don't expend extended amounts of time watching television shows. I do have a life.” I say back.

“You have infinite hours of life to live, you can spare a couple of hours for trash shows. It is much better than reality tv at least.” Lamb says with a smile. “But yes we have our kind everywhere. In most departments, save the fire department of course. That is the one department we would be a little suicidal to work there. Vampires and fire are not exactly friends.” I refrain from saying that I have very friendly feelings towards fire. I notice that he has created space between us and I try not to feel hurt by this. Crowley, Simon Snow has screwed me up. Aggression is apparently romantic to my deviant mind.

“Listen,” he says to me, “we will talk in the morning about this. I believe that you are not Next Blood, but Baz, what do you want to gain here?” 

“I don't know,” I say, which is the truth. I want to want to kill vampires, but so far I have seen dozens and not killed a single one so maybe my cold dead heart isn't in it. “I just want to learn what it means to a vampire.”

“Okay, go to bed. I will get your for breakfast tomorrow morning.” We head up separately to our rooms.

I don't have any more messages from Simon, but Penny has texted me one thing: _**I hope you know what you are doing.**_

I hope I do too, I think back at her, but I know she can’t hear my thoughts and help me.


	2. Chapter 2

I forgot to set an alarm last night so I am woken up by Lamb knocking on the door. I also forgot to charge my phone and now it’s dead. I throw on my slacks from last night and a sweater, plug my phone in, and walk over to the door.

“Hi,” Lamb says sheepishly with a smile.

“Good morning.” I say with a touch of disdain injected into my voice. Just a little, to let him know I haven’t entirely forgiven him.

“Can I come in?” He asks.

“Do you need my permission to enter or is the hotel neutral ground?” I ask curiously.

He smiles, “In most cases a hotel room would be a significant enough barrier if the person in question had thought of it as their residence, but seeing as I own the hotel that isn't going to be enough to stop me.” He walks in as I step aside.

“You own the hotel?” I didn't expect that, though that does explain why he knew he could get me a room so easily.

“I own a lot of real estate in Vegas, but the Katherine is my crown jewel. Do you like her?” He asks.

“It is very beautiful, though it is off putting that you are referring it as a her. That doesn’t improve my opinion of you.” I smile to let him in on the joke.

“I am sorry that we got started on the wrong foot yesterday. I wanted to apologize for scaring you.” He said. “Let me make it up to you.”

“You didn't scare me. Though being on the wrong foot is entirely your fault.” I say to him.

“Even if I didn't scare you, you are right I should not have acted like that.” Lamb says. “I’ve ordered breakfast for us and I will answer any questions that you have. It has been a long time since I've met a vampire so young and I know the change can be intense if you don't have any guidance. Did the vampire that turned you offer you any advice?” Lamb asks and I resist the urge to scoff.

“He is dead.” I don't elaborate and Lamb seems to get that I am not in the mood to talk about him.

“You didn't ask to be turned, did you?” Lamb asks.

“Did you?” It is more combative than I want to be, but I don't like talking about when I turned. It was the worst day of my life, or my death.

“I predate choice. A vampire bit someone in my village and it spread from there. My brother was the one that turned me.” Lamb explains.

“Did he want the two of you to be vampires together, brothers until the end?” I ask.

“No, he was simply hungry and didn't know the difference. He turned me by accident.” Lamb says sitting down on the luxurious black couch between my bed and the ensuite.

I sit on the couch next of him. “By accident? I thought that the only choice was dead or turned?”

He shakes my head and looks at me with pity, “No, generally turning someone is a choice. It is a lot of work and responsibility to turn someone. You are supposed to teach who ever you turn how to be a vampire. Most of us don't want to put in the effort for that. And you don't have to kill someone if you bite them. You can take “sips” it isn't an all or nothing situation.”

I can’t say anything in response to that. Lamb doesn’t know it, but he has shifted my world. I can bite someone and not kill them. I want to call my father, I want to call Fiona. I want to call Simon. I have barely started my time here and I have already learned more about vampires than I ever thought I could know.

“Room service!” A voice comes from outside the door. Lamb opens the door as a man, a vampire by his lethargic heart beat, rolls a cart in. Is everyone that works here a vampire? Is everyone in this city a vampire?

I look away from the food that the man is bringing in and ask a question that I’ve been thinking about. “How do people not notice that “sips” are being taken?” 

“The people that visit Vegas are often too inebriated to care much about what is being done to them, but otherwise we can… make them more amenable.” Lamb says. The man with cart leaves quickly when Lamb gives him a look. I guess that he doesn’t want the staff overhearing a vampire lesson. I imagine that it could create issues with me to blend in with the types Lamb seems to socialize with.

“How do you make them “amenable” to blood sucking vampires?” I ask, an eyebrow cocked.

“Come on, Baz, you have to know something about vampiric literature, it’s popular enough. We have an ability that can make people more suggestible. You have to concentrate especially when you are untrained, but it’s in the eyes.” Lamb says casually like overriding all ideas of consent is a normal every day thing for him.

“Ah, so we are back at vampires being monsters.” I say.

“Baz, we don’t hurt them, not permanently anyway. We can also make the bite more pleasurable if we want.” I don’t know why any one in their right mind would want that, but I guess these people aren’t in their right minds.

“Nothing you’ve said has convinced me that I should be drinking from humans and not from animals.” I say.

“I will admit the ethics aren’t great, but we need to live.” Lamb says staring directly at me, which almost makes me wonder if he is trying to put me under a thrall now.

“There are other ways of doing things. You could use a blood bank.” I counter.

“And take precious blood from the bleeders who need it? Honestly, Baz, this way is more humane.” I don’t buy that logic for a second, but he does have a point. “Though,” Lamb continues, “we could always advertise that we accept the blood of men who have sex with other men. But I’ve always preferred to get that kind of the blood the old fashioned way.” He says with a smirk and a wink and I have to glance away so he doesn’t see me swooning.

I can’t make up my mind whether I’m attracted to Lamb or repulsed by him. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

My gaze fixes on the food Lamb ordered for us. The cart is filled with sausage and bacon and other things that make my mouth water and will absolutely make my fangs drop. Lamb sees the look on my face as I eye the dishes.

“Baz, what is it?” Lamb gently asks.

“I… my fangs… they…” I trail off.

He frowns and brings the food closer to me. My fangs drop.

“You were so in control last night, a man was bleeding out in front of you and you didn't so much as flinch. You can master this, you have this under control.” Lamb is stern.

“I…” Lamb interrupts me.

“Keep your mouth closed! You are in control. You are not an animal. You won't give into your bloodlust.” He tells me. “Concentrate, feel your fangs, pull them back. You don't need them now. This is a new skill that you can master. I’m certain you were at the top of all of your classes. You do seem the type.” I almost smile, but then that would mean bearing my teeth and he told me to keep my mouth closed.  
However, now he has made this about my pride. I have to be able to master this. I am, Baz Pitch, I’ve never failed at anything in my life other than winning Simon Snow’s love.

I concentrate and I feel my fangs recede. I give him a true smile. We both eat the breakfast in front of us. I have never felt so comfortable eating in front of someone before.

———————

Lamb and I talk for the rest of the morning before he leaves to go take care of “business that he has to attend to” what ever that means. Do I want to know what that means? I check my phone charging on the night stand. I have ten messages from Simon, two from Fiona, and one from Penny.

Simon:

Where r u?  
Did a vamp eat u?  
BAZ ANSWER!  
R u asleep?  
Call me when u wake up  
Do u need help?  
What time is it there?  
Is that guy u met a vampire?  
Do u still have your organs?  
Call me PLEASE

Penny:  
Call Simon back before he drives us both nuts. This is why I made a limit for how much he could talk about you.

Fiona:  
Any good vampire hunting yet boy-yo?  
Hope you are having better luck than I am at the moment

I decide that Simon is the most important to deal with at the moment. I cast a Sound of Silence on the door and click on Simon’s name on my mobile.

He answers in one ring, “Baz! Are you alive?”

“Yes, Snow, I am alive and I still have all of my organs, it isn't like vampires could do anything to me. I am already a vampire. Remember.” I soften the instinctive tendency to make my voice as cruel as possible. We are friends, I remind myself. We are just friends, I think again.

“Was the guy you met yesterday a vampire?” Simon asks frantically.

“Yes, it turns out that he was.” I answer.

“You killed him, right?” Simon is a practiced killer, I think, that is why he is so casual about killing things, not because he thinks vampires are inherently monsters.

“No, I am staying in his hotel at the moment so that would be a bit rude.” I say trying to play it off.

“He owns the hotel? Crowley, how rich is this guy?” Simon asks.

“Very rich and he… he offered to teach me how to be a better vampire. He taught me how to keep my fangs in while I eat.” Simon knows how hard for me eating in front of other people is. We ate together the night that I tried to kill myself. He thought my fangs were “cool.”

“So he is a good vampire, then?” Simon asks.

“I don't know yet, he still bit a man, but he didn't kill him? Apparently you can bite people and not kill them?” I phrase everything like a question because even as I’m telling Simon I can’t believe it.

“That is great! I mean not that he bit a guy, that is bad, but the guy is okay?” Simon asks.

“He was still alive when we left and Lamb didn't take a lot of blood from him.” I say. I’m not sure if I should mention the thrall to Simon. I’m afraid I’ll be accused of doing something to him when we were at school. I would never have even if I knew I could. I’ve never wanted Simon to be anything but Simon.

“His name is seriously Lamb?” Simon says the edge of laughter in his voice. I have missed that. It was never directed towards me, but I did know what Simon Snow’s laughter sounded like. It filled my dreams.

“I know, that is at least the name he gave me.” I laugh.

“Well, he seems okay then?” Simon asks.

“Yes, I mean he threatened me with a lighter at first because he thought I was part of some group called the Next Blood but-" Simon cuts me off.

“He threatened to set you on fire! Baz, no, don't trust this guy. He tried to kill you!” Simon growls.

“Snow, if I refused to work with people that had tried to kill me then I never would have worked with you.” I say matter of factly.

“I never tried to kill you Baz! I don't want you dead and I never threatened you with fire!” He sounds very upset, the laughter of a minute ago is completely gone.

“Snow, I promise, it is okay. I am fine. I have magic and you know how I am with fire. I was never in any real danger.” I don't think Lamb would have actually killed me, he just wanted to threaten me and he is helping me now.

“Baz, please be careful. You don't have to do this. The Coven doesn’t even know you are there. You should come home.” Simon says anger bled out of his voice.

“I will be fine, Snow. I already deferred for the year. I will be okay.” I say in what I hope is a soothing voice. I am not practiced at being kind to Simon.

“Promise me?” I can’t do a gentlemen’s word is his bond over the phone so I try to put as much magic in my intention as possible. I try to pretend I am like he was and every word I speak is an oath bound with magic.

“I promise.”

I try to get Simon to tell me about his therapy sessions are going, but that is non-starter. He also dodges my questions about his upcoming school year. He starts university in the fall with Bunce. I know that he has never enjoyed school at Watford the same way Penny and I did, but maybe a school full of normals will make it easier for him. It becomes increasingly clear that Simon doesn’t want to talk about himself at all over the phone. Simon told me the night he saved me from the fire that he doesn’t like to think about things, that there isn’t a point to it. All I want for him is to get better so for now I will respect his wishes and not force him.

I finish my call with him asking him to say hello to Bunce for me. I don’t comment on her message that she made a limit for how much he was allowed to talk about me. I know that he was obsessed with proving that I was evil, but I had hoped after everything that had happened he would lose that tendency.

I call Fiona right after. She picks up after three rings. “So how is the desert treating you, Basil?”

“Not poorly, but the house you rented for me fell through.” I catch her up on the whole debacle.

“Do you have somewhere you are staying now? I can find you another place or you could do it yourself?” Fiona asks. “You didn’t call last night so I assume you found something.”

“Yes, I am staying in a hotel at the moment.” I cast the spell one more time. It is probably paranoia, but I don’t want anyone, especially not the man that owns this hotel finding out that I’m talking to a vampire hunter. “It’s a vampire hotel.”

“A vampire hotel? How do you know it’s a vampire hotel, Basil?” Fiona asks and I can practically see her eyebrow going up like mine does when I’m skeptical.

“The owner is a vampire and every night they have a big vampire party at their vampire penthouse suite. I was there, Fiona, it’s a vampire hotel.” I respond.

“Okay, how did you find this vampire hotel?” Fiona asks and I know she won’t be happy with my answer.

“I met the owner at a restaurant by accident, he knew I was a vampire as soon as we met. He directed me to the hotel after I told my situation.” This won’t end well.

“You let a strange man take you to his bizarre vampire hotel and he is also a vampire. I swear, Basil, our ancestors are rolling over in their graves. Don’t be an imbecile.” I don’t know where Fiona gets off on calling me an imbecile when she doesn’t exhibit a huge amount of common sense.

“I’m certain they are already rolling over in their graves that I exist at all. The heir to the house of fire is a vampire.” I am glad that she didn’t bring up mother. I don’t want to consider what my mother would think of all this. Fiona and I both know that mother would never have left me alive if she knew I was a vampire. She would burn down this whole city without a single thought.

“Forgot about them anyway, but Basil, please be more intelligent. I sent you there for reconnaissance only. The Americans are so strange about how they run their communities and if this infestation as bad as I’ve been told we need to be prepared.” Fiona says in her version of a soothing voice. Fiona is rough, but she is also the reason I’m alive, she doesn’t want me thinking about all the members of our family that would wish otherwise.

She doesn’t lecture me anymore after that and instead tells me of her adventures in Prague (a lovely city, I’m told, other than its bloodsucking vampire problem).

I do tell her what Lamb told me about “sips” and I warned her about the thrall. She waves me off and says that she had already guessed something like, but I told her to be careful regardless. Fiona is in her element with this vampire hunting assignment, but I still want my aunt to be in one piece whenever she finishes it.

———————-

I hunted for rats after finishing my call with Fiona. The hotel did have a few, but not as many as I would like. I am going to have to go outside the hotel to get dinner most likely. I know now from Lamb’s reactions that the vampires here likely have a strong distaste for drinking animals. I think of Simon’s words to me after he found out I was a vampire for certain, “it’s just eating.” I am not sure why the vampires here would object so much to not eating humans, but Lamb does seem a very dyed in the wool sort of vampire. There is a whole culture here that I know nothing about. Maybe I could write a book when I leave. After I burn the city down.

Lamb and I have dinner together and attend another party with Bacchanal excess. All new outfits, all new jewelry. New humans too. Still like the ones from last night, young, attractive, and clearly out of their mind with a vampiric thrall. I don’t look at them long. If I do I know that it is wrong that I haven’t killed everyone here yet.

If Penny and Simon were here, they would not allow this to continue. They would burn the hotel down and the city with it. They are people of action who don't sit and contemplate the actions of what they are doing. I want to be with them, to be like them, but I also want to learn more about what it is to be a vampire. Lamb said that the humans don't have to die. That they don't kill people. I hope that is true. Simon did say before I told him that Lamb threatened me that it was good that I could learn from Lamb.

We take turns around the floor again with Lamb still saying quite close to me and whispering in my ear the stories about all the of the vampires. Gossip mostly. Who used to date who and who secretly hates each other. It is so refreshing and also awful to learn that no one grows up not even mostly immortal vampires.

That’s a question that I do need to ask Lamb. Are we immortal? I’m not certain that I want to know.  
———————

Before I know it, two weeks have passed. I have fallen into a pattern of eating breakfast with Lamb and learning about being a vampire for a couple of hours and then spending the rest of the night with him at the parties. I like a party as much as the next person, but sometimes what I really want to do is study and have a quiet night in. The nights out with Lamb are great. He is witty, smart, and an extremely fit man, but I miss home. I miss not being surrounded by drunk people, tourists, and vampires who would rip me limb from limb if they knew that I was a mage. I also miss not being paranoid every minute of every day that my wand is going to fall out of my sleeve and reveal what I am. For the first time, I wish I had a different instrument like Penny’s gaudy ring or Gareth’s buckle. A wand makes it dead obvious what I am. 

Lamb does hate mages. He talks about them with venom in his voice about the things that they have done to our kind. He chides me for using their terminology and bowing to their wishes, but I can’t very well tell him that their terminology is my second nature because I am a mage. A speaker, he calls them, he says that most magical creatures find mages rude for saying they are magicians as if all of the magic in the world is part of them.

“Take a speaker’s voice and they would be the weakest of all of us. That is why we call them speakers.” He says one late night when we were back in his room. He isn’t drunk per se. Lamb is too in control of himself to ever appear drunk in front of me or anyone else that I’ve seen.

I nod along with what he said. I know from experience that the worst thing you can do to a speaker is take their voice.

“We have peace with most of the creatures, they know not to meddle in our affairs and we don't meddle in theirs. Besides we all hate the speakers more than each other. The speakers are the true plague of this world.” Lamb says.

I really should be more cautious, but I may have been turned into a vampire, but I was born a mage. “Yes, the people who stand in defense of the normals are the true plague upon this world certainly not any of the creatures that pray on them.” My voice is filled with bile.

“You think the speakers care for the bleeders? Please, they think the bleeders are idiots, to be used by them no less than the rest of us. There is no moral high ground here for them.” Lamb says frowning at me.

“That is fucking rich. Crowley, how much of a moron are you really? The mages use normals for their ability to speak which means they steal from their culture. A culture they can easily contribute to because mages and normals are both human. The normals don't notice and none of that actual hurts the normals. You call them bleeders for snake’s sake. How can you even pretend that the mages aren’t the thing standing in the way of you killing all of the humans?” I say back to him firmly. I know that I shouldn’t appear to be on the mages’ side, but this is so obvious that it is laughable.

“Baz, for the last time we don't kill them and biting does not harm them. We don't kill here.” Lamb says patronizing me.

“Ah yes, you brainwash them instead. How could I forget that you ignore their consent and take what you want anyway?” I firmly say. “And no vampire ever kills, I just imagined my mother dying in front of me because of a blood sucking vampire. Silly me, what a fool I am.”

“What and the bleeders are so innocent? Believe me they are perfectly good at hurting each other and the speakers are perfectly capable of hurting them as well. Who in this world actually cares for the normals? No one. No one is going to fight for them.” He is right there, no one in my family would. I know Fiona sleeps with normals and it is possible that she could think of them as people, but I think she thinks of them more as toys that she can eventually forget about.

Simon Snow, however, he has thought of saving them. I know that normals don't particularly like him. His magic used to be so overwhelming and powerful that they would shy away from him, Bunce told me. And if Simon Snow is a normal, if that is what he is now, then I care for the normals, at least one. People have value without magic. Simon Snow is kind and brave and true. He will always matter and has always mattered, even though people like the Mage only ever saw him for how they could use him. He was more than a weapon, he is more than a liability.

“You should. Normals are people, far more people than you and I will ever be. They have art and life. They give and give to this world and we take and take.” I say.

“We have art and we live more lives that they will ever live.” Lamb counters.

“No, we have an imitation of life. We don't exist without them.” I say.

“Congratulations, you understand the Circle of Life. Lion King has come to town several times. Maybe I can take you to the show sometime?” Lamb says while rolling his eyes. How does a three hundred year old vampire get away with rolling his eyes without looking like a complete asshole? “We don't kill them unless we have to. We are not animals.” Lamb says.

“No, we are monsters. Animals have never been human. Animals have more decency than we ever will. We are cannibals.” I say. I am angry now. I know I should not be. He is an ancient vampire and I am telling him that he is a wrong about vampires.

“What would you have us do then, Baz? Leap into the flames? Cut off our own heads? We deserve a chance to exist on this world.” Lamb says.

“Do we? There is a reason the mages hate us above all others. Werewolves are fine most of the month and the other creatures are only harmful if you are foolish enough to cross them, but yes we come after them. We hunt humans almost exclusively.” I say. The almost is likely only taking me into account.

“We hunt normals, not mages. Besides it isn't like the mages of America care what we do. They have more pressing concerns: rampant gun violence for one.” Lamb says.

“They should care! They should wipe this city clean off the map. They should burn it to the ground.” I shout. I didn't mean to yell. I think there are tears in my eyes.

“Baz,” Lamb says quietly. “You hate yourself that much?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” I say parroting what he frequently likes to tell me. “You have forgotten what it is to be human. I will never give myself the luxury of that. I will never let myself forget that those are my loved ones that I am looking at with hunger. Anything that could look at the people they care about and see them as food does not deserve to live.” I turn away from him and get up to leave, but he grabs my hand.

“Baz, you don't know the first thing about being vampire. You have been a vampire for a year maybe and you have never spent any significant time around them. I won't ask you about your past or even how you found us, but at least try to understand that we cannot lay down and die just because it upsets your sensibilities.” Lamb says in what he must think is a soothing voice, but still sounds incredibly high and mighty

Lamb thinks I’ve only been a vampire for a year? I don't correct him; he thinks I am naive because I am young and it isn't like I can say I knew I was a vampire and where to find vampires because I am actually a mage and my aunt is a vampire hunter and I am here to canvas Vegas and if I was telling her the full truth of everything I’ve seen so far the mages of Europe would never allow this to exist, America’s independence be damned, and I should honestly torch this city right now me with it.

“Oh yes, my delicate sensibilities of not harming other people. How dare I consider human beings worth protecting?” I sneer at him. He might be better at sneering than I am with his centuries of practice, but he has never gone up against Simon fucking Snow so I think I do a pretty good job of it.

“You are not a human being! When you are older you will understand.” Lamb dismisses me.

“When I am older, when my brother and sisters die and everyone who actually knows me passes beyond the veil. The real me can start living properly, is that it?” I say.

“Yes! You have to forge a new family. It does not have to be a lesser family. The families that we choose for ourselves can be just as strong, if not stronger than the ones we were born into.” Lamb says, his eyes pleading.

“What these rich twits who think of nothing but fashion and excess? I am supposed to look at these people as family?” I think of the hundreds of parties I could attend if I had really wanted to and it is fun. It is fun to party like that all the time. But at some point I have always wanted a life. If Simon Snow was always dreaming of his happy ending I guess I was always dreaming of the causal intimacy of life. Reading a good book with someone I love sitting next to me. Holidays with my family (even if I really did want my father to accept all of me the queer parts and the vampire parts). I am gay man I understand the strength of found families. Finding families that feel better than your own. That understand you in ways that blood never could, but nothing here in Vegas feels like a family. It feels like a court and maybe something else, but there is too much cat fighting and too much squabbling for it to be a place I feel comfortable being myself. There is the fact that I can’t be myself here. I will always be a mage first, always.

“You call other people with a rich twit? You are nineteen and you can afford to live like this when we only can do that after living hundreds of years. Seems a bit hypocritical there to me. Listen, we live like this because we can because we have spent centuries having to hide in the shadows. We get to live here and you want us to pretend to be something else?” Lamb says his voice is as sharp as a knife.

“You don't live here you just steal life from others, you prey on people who are drunk, lonely, or stupid. Where am I supposed to see the way to live? I only see parasites who are pretending to be gods.” This is probably unfairly harsh, but I don't have it in me anymore to be kind.

Lamb looks like he wants to throttle me, but he resists the urge. “Baz…” he starts again.

“If you say I will understand when I am older one more time I am going to set you on fire.” I threaten and I think that I mean it. I would not need my wand to set him on fire. I am a fire mage. Fire lives within me. Fire is my dread companion.

“Okay, I won't, and you are right about the rich twits bit to some degree, but not every vampire in Las Vegas is like that. You have seen the people on the streets, the taxi drivers, the workers, we can blend in here and some people do want that. They just want to exist and go about their lives. They can do that better here than anywhere else in the world. But if you can party and you can really live after years of thinking you were going to die every second of every day. That the speakers would burn you in your own home and drag your loved ones out to the slaughter. Well, then why wouldn’t you party?” He reaches across to me and places a hand lightly on my arm. “I am not saying that you have to like it. I am not saying that you have to agree, but we are as honest as we can be here. People come to Las Vegas to get messed up and it isn't like we are robbing them. We don't take anything they won't be able to replace. We don't kill here, we don't want to be killed anymore. Think of it as a truce?” He says he is looking up into my eyes with his blue ones.

“I never chose this life.” I say to him. “I didn't want this. I never wanted this. I wanted to be human. To have a family. To make my own family proud. All I am is a monster who ate the family dog and should not be around my siblings who don't realize that I am probably the most dangerous person they know. Because I already have access to their house. I don't need permission to come and kill them. I can kill them all in their beds and they will have nothing to stop me.” They could stop me if they wanted. Fiona and my father should have stopped me years ago. If I had been anyone else Fiona would have killed me herself. I guess that is how the world works. Lamb is right about me. We are the elite so we are afforded choices that would not be allowed of the lesser peoples.

“You have not killed them. Baz, you have chosen to not kill them. You have chosen to kill no one or harm no one. You are not a monster. And there isn’t a thing that you or I or anyone else can ever do to change you back. You have to live the life that you were given.” He pulls me towards him the fight gone out of him.

He kisses the top of my head, which since I am taller than him even sitting down is a bit of a trick. I feel weak so I tell him something that I should not, something personal that isn't necessarily about me being a vampire. Something he could use against me one day. “I am certain that my mother would never want me to have lived like this. I used to go to her grave and apologize that I existed like this. The last time I went I said that I was going to “carry on as I am,” but that is significantly harder in practice than it is real life. I feel sometimes like I am at the bottom of a deep well and I will never get out and I might make some ground and climb, but I am always going to slid to the bottom. I don't want to kill myself anymore.” I feel Lamb tense as I say anymore and I try to press on. “But that does not mean that I know how to exist either.”

“Baz, you have to learn to forgive yourself. You cannot hold yourself to the standards of humans because you are not one. You have the control of a vampire who has lived for centuries and you have the guilt of a catholic priest. Your mother, she was a normal, Baz, I am certain that she would not think of you as a monster. To her monsters like that didn't exist. She wouldn’t know what a vampire would look like in real life.” Lamb says.

In that moment, I almost want to tell him. I want to tell him that my mother did know the monster I was because our family had earned its fame and riches for killing those monsters. My mother would never have suffered me to live in this world and my family broke dozen of mage laws by allowing me to continue to live. That I was almost glad that she didn't see me when she passed through the veil so she would never have to have it confirmed that I was no longer human. Maybe she knew that I would not necessarily be turned. She was always the best source of knowledge in the family. Maybe she would know the most about them.

I don't say any of this. I don't say a single word.

**Author's Note:**

> Most of this story is written or blocked out already. I haven't written fanfic in fifteen years, but this idea would not leave me alone, so here we are.


End file.
